Dad

As I grow older, it gets hard to have a real talk with Dad.  My dad’s not the type to speak up to her daughter that much. I bet it's even less that now I can consider myself as a grown-up. He's very much the old-fashioned kind who cares .. and love silently. Simply by watching, or asking someone else how we are doing. Obviously that someone else is Mum. 

There was this one time, I miss him, I caught myself stalking his profile picture in Whatsapp. To my surprise, it was me and him while I was 3 maybe. Yes just two of us there! And i was like uh..oh. That was me! Finally... Most of the time, his Whatsapp profile pictures is my youngest brother. First daughter is always being discriminated .

I never know that actually kissing your Dad in public is something a grown-up daughter rarely do. Stress on that public word. I wrote it before that our family have this three-times-kiss over cheeks later nose then hug ritual . We even do that when Dad is leaving for on-call. Padahal on-call satu malam besok orang first jumpa ayah jugak. What a clingy children he has been blessed with. I kissed & hugged him as usual once in airport and my friends kind of amazed that I actually did that. A 22-years old. Not 2 years old minion.

And if I was asked where is the most comfortable place to sleep, it would be my Dad's ketiak. We siblings used to quarrel a lot while we were small for our own space. The most prestigious place ofcourse the nearest to chest. Only VVIP can secure that precious seat! I remembered Dad's arms were filled up of his children's heads aligning up all way to finger bcs no one wants to give in. Mum's ketiak is nothing close to these. Now it is solely belongs to my youngest brother. Yes, again. He steals all the light. And love. Sigh.

My Dad is a superDad. He cooks. He sews. He draws. He is a very good story teller. He is my hero. One late night, (tak ingat darjah berapa, I cried hard because I don't know how to draw car on roads. I keep scribbling and drawing but everything I did was of no avail. So I cried. Haha . Amende lah tak reti lukis pun nangis. Then he came to me in the midst of studying (he is still studying & working when I was born)  and drew it in any second. I remembered this because that is when I learnt how to draw car on roads. And I also learnt, my dad is quite talented in drawing. But he went into world of where tiniest creatures live, Microbiology, Cytology, Pathology etc. This may be the reason why  I kinda feel bonded to these subjects while I was in pre clinical years. 

Much to my shame, stinging tears well up in my eyes. The tears of a super spoilt homesick insanely 22-years-old-girl who wants to go home when you're actually already at home. Here is home too. I even spend more time here than in Malaysia. But it doesn't feel right to say here is more home(+er) than there. Dad taught me a lot to be independent before, but I think he forgot to tell me there is only one place where you can call home. It is where he is. Where a small girl patiently waits for his father to come home (from work or anywhere).  And not vice versa.